Friday the Thirteenth
The past has a funny way of catching up with you. Not because the universe is expressly trying to throw old memories at you to the point where you drown in it, but when you let nostalgia take over, it sure feels like it. I may have completely changed streams from Commerce to Media and yes I am totally I love with what I am doing, but on days like today, the life I would have had comes screaming to me while I walk down the hallowed halls of my new college. Posters of Management fests remind me of the fests I had organized or taken part in, the business ideas we envisioned, the quarrels and struggles, the fear of defeat and the thrill of victory. One poster in particular hit me with such a wave of nostalgia, I was living the memory again – the travel, the dressing, running around. But something that I noticed was a common string that thread the memories together were my friends – some forged for the moment, some welded forever.
Which made me question, are we really that dependant on people that for every memory we have, the presence of a ‘friend’ is detrimental to make it a memory at all? What happened to discovering ourselves? There really are too many people in the world and even then if you feel lonely, then perhaps you are pushing people away. I didn’t realize it at the time, but till very recently I was always doing that. That’s why I would always feel terribly alone even when I was right in the centre of huge crowd enjoying in the throngs of life.
But I’m deviating, the point I’m trying to make is that loneliness is not always negative. It is great in fact to find peace and fulfillment in being absolutely alone. We should stop being so dependent on people. People are fickle, at any time they can drop you for another. But you cant ever walk away from yourself can you?
When you are dependent, you give someone else a chance to dictate terms, you allow someone else to decide things for you. Why should we give anyone even a sliver of chance? If you do start waiting for someone to quite literally stand by your side forever, you expect too much from them. Life isn’t a Mills and Boons novel or a cheesy chick flick. No you are not going to find your soul mate who’s every thought is only yours, no you will not find a best friend who will always be at your wave length, that’s not how life works. At the most, you will find someone who will share the burden of your sufferings for a while, while you worked on fixing theirs. Maybe then you will also find that you could do the same for them for much longer than others.
People should understand, as I have come to as well, even when you are lost in this mad scramble for identity, don’t forget to glance at the mirror inside you once in a while. Sometimes, its more important that you learn to lift yourself up so that even if you don’t have someone to fall back on, you don’t need them. If not for anyone else, your shadow will always walk beside you. Recently I have been listening to this song on loop called Hero by Nickelback. Two lines sung in perfect harmony have really stuck themselves in my head. One the chorus –
‘And they say that a Hero will save us, I’m not going to stand here and wait’
So true, all these people are just waiting for a hero but no one wants to look for the one inside them.
And one is the Bridge which says -
‘Now that the world isn’t ending, its love that I’m sending to you.
It isn’t the love of a hero, and that’s why I fear it won’t do’
I’m not entirely sure what Chad Kroger was going for but my interpretation is simple, the maximum a person can do is send you his love. But if you are adamant on looking for the love of hero, you may never find it. You have so many expectations from others that they might never think that they would match up to it.
Even in this world full of all kinds of people, if you manage to discover or rediscover yourself and enjoy the momentary silence that you can get in a day, then you have achieved something truly commendable. Waiting for someone to enrich your life, is like waiting for a drought in the rain!